There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
