Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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