I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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