Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
