i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
