I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
