there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
