This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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