I love black thongs
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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