Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
