i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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