I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
