2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
