I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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