we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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