NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
