Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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