sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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