You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
