If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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