the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
