How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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