There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
