He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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