Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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