what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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