mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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