my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
