I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
