sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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