I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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