She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
