no, he came in my armpit
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
