He disabled his match.com account in front of me
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
