Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
