He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize