You really coming over, don't trick.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
