It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
