you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
