I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
