my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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