I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
