around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
