I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
All the doctor said was why
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
