so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
