we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize