did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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