I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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