I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
