that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
