i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
