The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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