dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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