I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
