Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
