Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
well I can't set my house on fire every night
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
