Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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