my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
