; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This is classic penis vs brain.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize