My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
