ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you had me at cake vodka
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
