The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize