fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize