i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
