Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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