at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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