Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
