I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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