Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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