and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she looked like the before picture.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
