It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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