in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
