I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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