I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
