don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
