First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
