You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
