I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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