I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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