We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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