Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
