Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Operation Purity has been aborted
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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