The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
