Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
