Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
